No Need For Alarm, We've Investigated

Take me out to the ball game.

The famed Mitchell Report was released last week. Baseball, sports, and ethics enthusiasts everywhere held their collective breath as George Mitchell released a report of his Major League Baseball commissioned invsestigation of...itself.

Of itself?!?!?!?

Really.

Is that legal?

Can we really do that; allow institutions to investigate themselves? We watched as Major League Baseball spent $20 million on the Mitchell investigation, an investigation that consisted of basically two interviews with two "mush-mouths" who have worked as the "Spider" (see Goodfellas) of major league clubhouses. I mean, was there no real investigation, no anonymous player testimony where Roger Clemens injected A-Rod in his bare ass. Really?! What happened to the scandal of George Stienbrenner selling steroids to A-Rod who moved it to Raul Mondesi with a 15% mark-up. You mean this didn't end like the Sopranos?!?! I'm pissed.

I was taken out to the ball game.

Controversy aside, I am also pissed that this report, this list, this mockery of the general public and baseball fans points fingers at everyone except itself. Baseball executives sat by idle as a culture of performance enhancement infested the sport and created a dog-eat-dog environment. So now I can't be pissed at Andy Petite for using HGH because if he didn't there was some corn-fed guy from Iowa who would've to get an edge and squeeze Andy out of the majors. I can't be mad that Mo Vaughn wanted to continue his dream of playing at a high level.

My philosophy is that the names on the list mean nothing. Its the actual number of names on the list that means everything. And that is totally attributed to Major League Baseball. I believe that if the names on that list weren't on the list, they would be replaced by some other name. And that is a problem perpetuated by the creation of a consistent environment of steroid use by Major League Baseball.

So that's what 'Sheed's listening too